In a sincere effort to be viewed as a polite and a selfless individual that lives to care for and accommodate others, we forget that these characteristics are "sold to many of us as a defining feature of the good woman." As women, we are forever faced with the catch-22 conundrum of how to be “good women,” as defined by antiquated social norms, while being fierce in our business endeavors?

The cycle must be broken. Just look at successful women - the women that we envy and admire, like Madeline Albright, Michelle Obama, Valerie Jarrett, Lilly Singh, Mindy Kaling, Elaine Welteroth - these are just some of the women that broke free from the binds of traditional definitions of what makes a woman “good.” Does this mean that these women don't care about their families, are bad mothers and partners, or are somehow not good people? No. In fact, many of these women are visionaries, community advocates, and true exemplars of conquering for causes of positive consequence. If you dig deeper, the stories of these women show a pattern of bravely embracing the un-traditional.

But, the sad truth is that competence alone doesn’t magically bring you clients or open the doors to your dream job. Competence gets the job done, but it does not get you the job. What does? The ability to build lasting business relationships within a community that fits the person that you are right now, not the person that you think the world wants you to be. For me, I could not build sustainable business relationships for a long time - that is, until I learned how to honor my whole self whenever I walk into any networking space. I went from hiding in bathroom stalls to closing multi-million dollar deals that I generated from my network.

By hanging out with yourself, you’ll spend time learning about the world around you. Once you understand the world around you, only then can you choose how to enter it. Even if what you do is miles away from current events, you should still be aware of what’s going on. By contributing your craft to the world, whatever it may be, you are choosing to enter it, so you need to know the world receiving your craft.

You choose how to enter any space. Of course, your entry may require navigating unfamiliar territory, but you can always control you. You know you, and you can teach people how to handle that which you know the best - you. If someone has a problem with it, that’s their problem. Repeat after me - that’s THEIR problem.

Not sure if you’re in the right space? Trust your gut. If you want to leave after 15 minutes because you want to go home and binge on your new Netflix obsession, make yourself stick it out, but if you leave because you’re surrounded by people with whom you share no cause, no profession or passion, then get the F out of there and go do something better with your night. Stop wasting your value in spaces that don’t coincide with your values. Your time is valuable and limited. Make sure you make intentional and self-aware choices about the spaces you seek business, and be open to organic connections.

Question: How do you deal with imposter syndrome?

Whenever I feel that misplaced feeling that I am somehow not meant to be in a professional space, I ask myself one simple question: "What would a straight white man do?" That question usually turns my panic into power nearly instantaneously. I mean, let’s be honest - when did you last witness a straight white male last suffer from imposter syndrome? Be honest.