Don’t Call Me Pretty.

I waited a year into working for my last employer before I told the law firm how to pronounce my name the right way. I waited until a firm office meeting, and when other matters came up, I meekly raised my hand.

“Um, my name is pronounced Pree-Thee.”

They all started at me. Mind you, it was a small firm, so it was easy to feel the 2 dozen eyes glaring at me. The senior partner, a dear mentor of mine, looked at me quizzically.

“What?”

I had let them believe for a whole year that my name was pronounced Pretty, like the adjective. It made for funny jokes like, “Hi, I’m Priti,” and, “Hey, I’m Priti, how are you?” Scarred by a lifetime of mean boys and girls calling me things like, “Pretty Ugly,” and “Pretty Fat,” I liked being able to make my name into a forced compliment. I didn’t trust anyone to compliment me without hiding behind my whitened name of “Pretty” instead of “Priti,” a name given to me by my family that conjured thoughts of love and friendship, not superficial appearances. But, I didn’t trust anyone to care how saying my name wrong made me feel and the way it brought me back to memories of being bullied as a lone, chubby brown girl in a small white town in rural Illinois. I neglected to give my co-workers the benefit of the doubt, that they would want to say my name properly.

“My name is pronounced Pree-Thee.”

And, guess what? They all learned how to pronounce my name correctly, and in turn, they made sure the people that worked with our firm knew how to pronounce my name too. I taught them how to treat me, and they didn’t hate me after.

Now, when I greet someone new, I look them in the eye, I introduce myself, with an enthusiastic handshake and eye contact, I politely correct understandable mispronunciations and misspellings, and then I hand them my business card that conveniently has a phonetic breakdown of my name (can you believe that?). I meet them halfway. I do what I can to help those around me succeed when addressing me, but how would they know unless I help them get there?

Sidebar: Don’t forget – always recognize your privilege. There are so many wonderful resources available to help you understand where you might be failing to recognize how you hold privilege in some way, shape, or form. Check out:

Peggy McIntosh’s essay, “White Privilege: Unpacking the White Knapsack,”  was my first experience of labeling the magical powers that other kids with lighter skin seemed to possess. I also loved Vice’s article: “100 Ways to Make Life Less Frustrating for People of Color.”

You choose how to enter any space. Of course, your entry may require navigating unfamiliar territory, but you can always control you. You know you, and you can teach people how to handle that which you know the best - you. If someone has a problem with it, that’s their problem. Repeat after me - that’s THEIR problem.

When I chose to start this business to help empower my fellow female entrepreneurs, I knew I had to reclaim my story by going from “Pretty Ugly” to “Pretty in Power,” which is where the moniker “The Boss Lady’s Lawyer” was born and exists here and now. Now, I know how to tell people how to pronounce my name, and I don’t let them off the hook if they forget. While this may seem rude or emblematic of a “difficult woman,” I’m not sorry. Again, if you don’t understand why I don’t need to be sorry for correcting you when you mispronounce my name, please reference the above article on privilege and ask yourself how you would feel if people got your name wrong every damn day.

Before I sign off, remember that teaching people how to treat you means knowing how you want to be treated and knowing how you want to be treated - yep, you guessed it - means knowing yourself. Take the time to be aware of who you are outside of work. Have interests, hobbies, curiosities, outside of your job. For me, it is important to keep my inner life diverse as well as my outer life diverse, and I would encourage you to do the same. Trust me, if nothing else, it makes for excellent conversation at happy hour. Stay tuned next time for how hanging out with yourself is one of the best ways to make others want to hang out with you. Trust me.

Until later.

Yours, in Power -

Priti

The Boss Lady’s Lawyer