When the Going Gets Tough……. Get Personal.

Hi friends! I know it's been some time since I've been in touch. The summer has been busy in spite of the COVID-19 restrictions! With work, school, family matters, a rambunctious 88 pound fur baby,  and organizing for the Black Lives Matter and the (long overdue) movement for anti-racism, I have been working to listen and learn.

But, I'm writing today because I know many of my fellow boss ladies are hurting right now - hurting from racial trauma, hurting from the broad and devastating physical and financial consequences of the pandemic impacting all aspects of life and work, hurting from a world that lacks stability and empathetic leadership. Many of my clients have expressed that they don't know how to reinvent their business because they spent so much time just inventing their business for its initial launch. Reimagining operations for your business when everything you've planned has gone awry is not only overwhelming, but for a business owner, it can feel like everything around you is working against you to put your hustle out of work.

I get it. My firm (Nemani Law) did not see the usual spring residential real estate market in March with dozens of excited first time home buyers and relieved home sellers. In fact, my firm saw a deep dive in business from March until the beginning of July because of COVID and the shelter-in-place orders. Many of you adjusted to working from home for the first time and began looking for ways to virtualize your business to fit into the new COVID-19 world.

You might be wondering how I spent my time from March to July. First, I had to cancel my DiversiTeaTime event, which broke my heart. Then, I focused on looking at my systems for my firm and how to make our operations remote and COVID-19 friendly. After that, I put on a dinosaur costume to roam the streets of the North Shore Chicago suburbs (more about that below). I then resigned from the board of a toxic organization that I have served on for years due to differences relating to our response to the Black Lives Matter movement.

In many ways, I have been lucky to find moments of freedom within the restrictions of the pandemic, and that freedom has translated into growth for my business and for me personally. The pandemic has taken from millions their lives, their livelihoods, and their sense of stability in an ever-changing world, and most of us are ebbing and flowing with the tides of the pandemic and the news. But, I hope the tips that follow help you find some control over your networking style and allow you to give yourself permission to just be yourself while you’re working. I'm not a marketing expert, but I do know that these simple (and cost-free) steps have helped me grow my business at a time when I thought I would just be staying afloat. I hope they help you too.  Just allow your professional self to reveal your humanity, and you will be happy with the results.

1. Revitalize lapsed relationships.

Think back to December 2019. If you're like me, you were rushing to wrap things up for the end of the year while blasting through the holiday party circuit and making other seasonal preparations. I know I can never make all of my one-on-one networking opportunities work during this time of year. It's just too hard. Some of those invitations were scheduled for the following month, and others simply never materialized into meetings, even after rounds of email attempts to schedule by both parties. 

If you have some extra time and are trying to figure out how to bring in new business during the pandemic, I suggest going through your emails from the past few months and identify introductions and one-on-one networking opportunities that have not materialized. Now is a great time to set up a phone call or a Zoom meeting to get to know the individual in a low pressure setting. If you're Zoomed out, just set a phone call. It's OK to talk on the phone instead of over video chat. I personally prefer phone meetings, so I can take notes without the others on the call watching me. I would be clear on what you are most comfortable with, and try to stick with it.

Don't forget though - You are not obligated to spend time with anyone that you don't want to spend time with. Early in my career, I said "Yes!" to every single networking opportunity. While such an attitude did yield fruitful business contacts, it ground me down until I was stretched beyond my capacity, not to mention that I was networking in spaces that did not fit my identity and my personality (not sure if you're networking in the right space? Check out my past post on redefining your networking space).

As for the folks that you do reconnect with, consider expanding the nature of your conversation. I always try to listen when I ask someone, "How are you?" but this is more important now than ever. Know who you are talking to - not just their job title or the potential profit they might bring your business. Know the person on the other end of the line. Who are they? Do they have family? Are they doing OK with the pandemic? Are they dealing with the advent of home schooling their kids for the fall semester? Some of you might think that this is a waste of time, that clients don't want to engage in such niceties with a professional, but you're missing a real opportunity to connect with others by failing to ask how they are surviving during this extraordinary time. At the moment, humanity is stripped down to a place where we can see the reality of every human, not just their professional front, and that's not a bad thing, my friends. Embrace the fact that you're a human, and you're going through this with your clients and colleagues as a fellow human. Not a single one of us is above the pandemic, and this is an opportunity to create connections, but making those connections requires compassion and vulnerability, not charisma.

I've reflected on the difficulty of not being able to shake hands with my clients when we do meet in-person. One of my favorite parts of my job is meeting a new client for the first time and greeting them with a two handed handshake and a warm smile. In that moment, I am appreciative that they've taken the time to come and see me, and the inability to express that appreciation through the handshake has been one of the harder changes I've adapted to during the pandemic. But, a question finally arose in my mind: "What does that handshake symbolize?" To me, when I shake someone's hand, it means that I see you, that I appreciate you, that I want to make a gesture to show you my respect for you. How do I convey those significant feelings without employing a handshake?

I say it. I tell my clients and colleagues that I appreciate them. I check in on them. I tell them that I respect them. I ask them how they are doing, and I listen. I think about how I can help them, and not just when it comes to the law.

2. Stop acting as though life is business as usual.

As you well know, business is not as usual. Although I don't personally subscribe to the notion that my personal life must be separate from my professional life in order for me to find success, I do believe that, for your conversations with current and lapsed contacts to be substantive, you need to acknowledge that you're working from home and that your client/colleague is working from home too. I've gotten to “meet” many of my clients newborns by hearing their coos (and wails) in the background. I've gotten to learn about my client's pets that are rattling around in the Zoom background, and they've gotten to meet my 85 pound ball of fur joy.

For a long time, I thought that sharing details about my personal life somehow weakened my professional image, that somehow the fact that I'm a human who lives a human life outside of my work is unacceptable when it comes to presenting myself as a capable and successful attorney. I wore 2 masks: Work Priti and Home Priti. Work Priti was stiff, polite, submissive, scared, hardworking, and a follower. Home Priti was the real me. I was funny, sarcastic, engaged in the world and current events, part of my family and community, curious, bluntly honest, and fun. Work Priti was rarely disliked, but she also rarely made any sort of impact on her work space or progressive movement in her career. She never spoke her mind or spoke up for herself. Home Priti began to become less fun, less engaged, less curious, less herself, as she sacrificed her true self to act like a good young brown female lawyer who kept her head down and made no fuss.

This dichotomy of self is not sustainable.

Let me rephrase. Any dichotomy of your identity to make certain groups like you more is not sustainable nor is it required for you to succeed.

For me, the act of blending my professional mask with my true persona was not intentional or conscious. A few months after the launch of my own law firm in 2016, I realized that the characteristics that I had (falsely) assumed to be traits of the successful female lawyer - quiet, submissive, afraid, stiff, overly polite, fear of speaking my mind - failed me when it came to being my own boss. These traits had helped me be a good employee, but they were not the characteristics of a leader; and, never forget that boss is just another word for leader.

The unintentional fusion between my professional capabilities and my true personality was, and remains, the best thing that could have ever happened to my networking game. I remember being tired from an especially adversarial real estate market, making for exhausting and angry days full of heated arguments with overly emotional attorneys forgetting our roles as advocates and not proxies, when my clients called me at 9 pm to discuss their transaction. I invited the call, but as we were chatting, my dog began barking at a dog passing by our front window. My gut reaction was to fall into a headspace of embarrassment. How could I call myself a professional and let my dog bark during a work call? Well, the work call was at 9 pm at night, and I, like all other professionals, have a life outside of my work. I apologized to my clients for the interruption, and they laughed and asked more about my dog. They then told me about their dog. We then turned back to the conversation, and I felt more comfortable in giving them my unbridled legal opinions.

I shared my life with them, and guess what? They've come back to me for multiple legal matters.

I share this because I know that for many of you, your colleagues, co-workers, and clients are seeing you in your natural digs for the first time.  Maybe they've seen you without makeup for the first time, maybe they've heard your dog barking in the background, maybe they've seen your spouse less than dressed, maybe they are seeing you more exhausted than you've ever been as you parent and home school and working from home all at once without any advance notice, maybe they've seen you in your sweats. Guess what?

It's OK.

I stumbled upon a troubling YouTube video with tips for nailing your Zoom video. The tips ranged from "make sure you always wear makeup" to "make sure you're wearing jewelry" to "make sure your kids don't bother you" to "make sure you are wearing a blazer," and I just couldn't help but feel confused by these tips during a time when people are literally just trying to make it through one day at a time. This level of vanity is not only exhausting and imposing superficial expectations of female beauty on professional women that are just trying to do their fucking jobs, it invites the perception that women are creatures to be seen first and to work second. It also invites the notion that moms working from home have some sort of control over their cabin fevered children. The tips reek of privilege, superficiality, and frankly, lend nothing to the woman who leads a multi-faceted life.

Instead, figure out a space and lighting that works for you. Do your best to keep the background noise down, but acknowledge the fact that we are in weird times. Chances are fairly likely that the person you're talking to can empathize and may even feel some relief knowing that you are in this together. I've stopped wearing makeup in large part because, well, I am who I am, and that includes my face with its blemishes and all. I've noticed that my clients that have seen me sans makeup, sans my trademark red lipstick, sans my eyelash extensions, sans my nails done - these clients have not lost respect for me. In fact, my professional relationships with these clients have deepened. I even did an impromptu interview with Meleika Garner of Evanston Live TV without makeup and with my hair up and in a hairband. And, I’m damn proud of that video.

To sum it up, bet on the other party's humanity, and you might be surprised. If someone judges you for your dog barking in the background while being quarantined or because your sweet child pops into your Zoom meeting, then think seriously about that relationship and whether you are getting the respect you deserve. After all, if you're not judging others for these things and you're a serious professional, what right do they have to judge you?

Share yourself when you share your professional skills with others, and you might create unexpectedly formidable connections. Sharing yourself means sharing the good and the vulnerable parts of your whole human self. It also means you have to wear your whole self when you show up, including that part of you that likes being goofy, fun, and/or compassionate. As women, we are often fearful of being called “emotional” or “hysterical” when we let our real selves express strong feelings, but now is the time to show others that, while you’re still the badass professional that you are, you are also a compassionate human.

3. Fly Your Fun Flag!

Watch this video. Laugh. Digest. Come back.

OK, now that you've seen me get weird on cable news, you might be thinking, "Well, she just wanted to show off that she was on the news." Nope. If I wanted to show off, I would not show you a video where I am not ready for an interview or a video where I impersonate a dinosaur as a hobby in my free time.

The video represents my ultimate fun flag flying moment. I have long been someone who adopts a more traditional style of lawyering, complete with use of words like "heretofore" and "henceforth," and for a long time, I maintained a fairly stiff demeanor in the workplace. I’ve loosened up since becoming my own boss because, well, you can’t run a business unless you know how to laugh, especially at yourself.

But, when business screeched to a halt in March, I knew I needed something to lift my spirits. I needed something to make myself feel hopeful, and witnessing joy often brings me hope. To that end, I asked my family for an inflatable T-Rex costume that I could use to surprise my friend's kids. When I ultimately did wear the costume to surprise the kids, I myself ended up surprised by the wide reaction in our neighborhood to the costume. After weeks of seeing sad and sullen faces around the block, I finally got to see smiles. And, Corona-Rexanne was born.

I offered "dino walks" for other neighbors that wanted an extra special something to help cheer up loved ones, celebrate birthdays and graduations, and have a little goofy, nonsensical fun in a safe way. To my continued surprise, many families in the area invited me to their lawns to help them find some fun, and in turn, I left with a grin and a skip in my step every single time.

P.S. I did not roam daily or randomly. Only on request (mostly).

Now, you might be asking, "I thought this post was on business generation. Why is she telling us about a dinosaur costume?" I'm telling you because - to my shock and surprise - my dinosaur encounters have helped me build relationships with my community. I thought my current clients that saw me on the news would think I'm not a serious attorney, but again - to my surprise - many of my clients have expressed delight at the video, and guess what?

My clients’ confidence in my abilities has not lapsed….

even though they saw me in a dinosaur costume.

even though they saw me being goofy.

even though they saw me being a human and not just a suit.

Even though my video was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious level nonsense, it brought joy to others and to me at a time when we all needed it. The icing? The unintended consequence of increased business. Here’s the thing - you can be a smart and successful person and still know how to have fun. Just because you know how to goof around does not mean that you’re an incompetent professional, and if someone gives you grief for it, then rethink that relationship. Even my most serious clients have shared their gratitude for this piece of pure fun, and they don’t think less of me for being a human.

See? When the going is tough, wave your fun flag. Chase your joy. Show others who you are beyond your professional persona. Focus on your contribution to humanity.

Make your "meantime" meaningful, and you'll be surprised at the benefits.

4. Infuse humanity into your business menu.

The customer is always right. Yes, I like to reinvent the wheel, but that is a necessary fundamental for my personal practice. The first thing I do as an attorney is help people, and if I don't listen to the needs of the people that I serve, then what unique benefit do they receive from working with me over my competition?

As we entered into the new normal of quarantine by April 2020, I realized that my clients - namely, my business clients - would need to keep working and get the legal help they needed with reduced operating capital and in an unfamiliar and high-risk environment, and I wanted to make sure that my business clients knew that my firm wouldn't abandon them during a crisis or take advantage of them by billing them for work created by circumstances outside their control. Instead of sitting and waiting, I decided to create new offerings to help clients wanting to move forward with their business planning or clients looking for someone to review their service agreements in light of the pandemic.

Every industry is evolving to meet the needs of the pandemic and the unique obstacles presented to the budding entrepreneur as a result, and your key to evolving without too much growing pain is to embrace the needs of your clients as humans. Figure out what your bottom line is, and figure out how to make that work for you and those you serve. Don't sell yourself short, but don't limit your focus to short term earnings when you have an opportunity to create a lasting bond with your clients during a time of crisis. I created different tiers of representation, allowing clients to choose for themselves what price point they want in exchange for my work. That also means being open to different forms of payment, including exchanging services with fellow business owners. Invest in your relationships first and your profits second. It is counter intuitive advice from a businesswoman, but we are in unique and extraordinary times. I encourage you to see where your business can compromise pricing to ensure that you continue to grow and build relationships with new clients.

5. Discover and create new spaces.

Many professional and affinity organizations are exploding with creative and fun, new ways to engage their membership through dialogue and discussion, low to no fees to attend webinars with reputable scholars, free fitness classes, and lots of other fun and exciting virtual options to keep folks connected. Don't pull a 2016 Priti and say yes to everything. Remember, you're allowed to accept this time for what it is - weird, unchartered, and scary. Sign up for events that pique your interest. Don't sign up for events that sound boring to you (unless they are mandatory for some reason). If you don't feel up to something, let the organizers know and see if you can relinquish your spot.

If you don't see a virtual event that fits your personality within the groups that you're in, start using the Google machine to find organizations that might work for you. Think outside the box! Look into groups outside of your geographical area and see how you can get involved with their programming. If it's unclear, shoot the group organizers an email. Take the initiative to build connections and invite experiences outside of your professional sphere, and you'll be amazed at how these personal connections can help grow your business indirectly.

If you're an anti-racist and in support of the Black Lives Matter movement, you might have felt yourself conflicted at traditionally comfortable networking spaces. I know I have. I served on the board of a minority affinity organization for 3.5 terms and resigned after realizing that my organization's president had little interest in advocating for the BLM movement or speaking up after the death of George Floyd. At first, I was devastated. Breaking up is hard to do, but don't forget that what comes after the break up is a new chapter, a fresh start, a chance to do something more, something better. Since my break up, I've started multiple projects, all of which would have been impossible to pull off with my old board position. I'm able to make more change now, and I sleep better at night. Breaking up is hard to do, but, like I said before, breaking up with your values is worse than breaking up with a toxic person or organization. 

Stop networking in spaces that don't fit your values. If they don't exist, now is a great time to create something new. Starting a group can be free, but it takes some work and organization. Take it one step at a time and one like-minded person at a time, and you'll be able to create the space you want.

Remember, above all, be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Keep making our world a more diverse and anti-racist place. Let your business reflect who you are as a person, and you’ll be surprised where you take yourself.

Yours, in Power,

Priti

Priti Nemani aka The Boss Lady’s Lawyer